The Latest
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So you missed Valentine's Day. You're in the doghouse and the dog is sleeping on the couch. Your significant other doesn't want to talk to you without a lawyer present. We get it! Luckily, it's not too late to salvage the situation. [...] -
To ring in the season of giving (and buying) Oprah Winfrey has partnered with Amazon.com to sell a curated collection of her favorite consumer goods. Of course, some people out there might be wondering if Oprah has still "got it" after her very public hiatus spent marooned on a desert island in the South Pacific. [...] -
The punch hit me hard right in the gut, a vicious uppercut that made each of my internal organs take turns slamming into my ribcage. The gun flew out of my hands and disappeared into the boat's wake. [...] -
I smile to myself. It is actually fortunate that there are bandages covering my entire face. This way the officer cannot detect any microexpressions on my features that may indicate I am lying. [...] -
The boat ahead of us smashed through the waves at full speed. We were gaining on them, despite their head start. We had less weight on board, since they were hauling a manatee and all. [...] -
In an ideal world, we here at The Double Thumb would maintain something of a regular posting schedule. Unfortunately, the world as we know it is ripe with despair and destruction. [...] -
He stands only a couple inches taller than me, but the difference feels like miles. It occurs to me that I have never been in a fight before. And yet here I am, standing against this Corinthian column of muscle and sinew. [...] -
By now the majority of our surroundings were on fire. This warehouse was ripe for it. The explosions had lit up the numerous boxes and clutter, the flames racing to contaminate adjacent shelves. The whole warehouse was doomed. I said, "Yo, this is f***ing awesome!" [...] -
I went to this thing out of sheer curiosity. This entire election cycle I've known Trump as nothing more than a television character. A cartoon. I wanted to go and see if the media is just blowing everything out of proportion. Turns out they aren't. [...] -
The videogame industry is often looked down upon by mainstream pundits as being childish and lacking artistic vision. Then, from time to time, there comes a game that extravagantly challenges that notion. [...] -
Since I plan to model my life around a book I had better make it something exciting. Something particularly visceral. Something punchy. Perhaps, in this case, the obvious choice is the best one. [...] -
Bros don't cry. No way, no how. But something happens when you're betrayed by your fellow bro. You feel it. It starts deep down in your finely-toned core and works its way out. It ain't crying. It's liquid testosterone. [...] -
I have grown tired of the endless desert of dry literary analysis. I've collapsed, my throat parched for something different. Something refreshing. [...] -
There is no doubt that Bill O'Reilly is a polarizing figure. We here at the Double Thumb try to remain politically neutral, yet we still believe that the chance of getting paid by a major publisher to promote this book far outweighs any attempt at moral objectivity. [...] -
There I was, a travel blogger, accompanied by a zookeeper and four vaguely-foreign former captives. Together we were the unwavering legion of three hundred Spartans and this dark, dirty room inside of a villainous warehouse was our Thermopylae. [...] -
My nephew is staying over at my house while my sister and her husband are out of town. For a while I got away with feeding the kid raw vegetables and saltines, but three days in I figured it might be time to cook something. [...] -
So much of what we do here revolves around unfiltered experiences. Our writers must be free to discuss their opinions openly, without the worry that some mega corporation will pull away the teat if they say the wrong thing about its product. [...] -
I lay there, blood pouring out of my neck, a simple metal door the only thing separating me from an armed militia responsible for countless human rights violations. In my professional opinion, I'd be dead in a matter of minutes. [...] -
There’s really no excuse for this kind of outcome, other than my own perpetual incompetence. But that’s life isn’t it? A series of mistakes followed by lessons learned. Yes, sometimes your food doesn’t come out the way you want it. We adapt, we grow, and we try to move on. [...] -
It's tempting to think, when you find yourself imprisoned in a giant crate inside the warehouse of human traffickers, that you've hit rock bottom. But that's pretty shortsighted. Chances are, much worse things are still to come. [...] -
If, years ago, you had told my college-age self that one day she would be getting paid to write a food and cocktail recipe column, she would have laughed right in your face and turned away to do another four bong hits. [...] -
All we had to do was sneak into the building, subdue the dozen or so armed smugglers roaming about, murder Sid, and then take back my manatee. Easy. [...] -
It was the smell that woke me. A putrid array of filth and decay assaulted my nostrils, so rancid that it was sticky and palpable. In a flash of groggy horror, I realized what was causing such a stench: I had not brushed my teeth in days. [...] -
"So you partner with a notorious human trafficker to steal an infant manatee, release a vicious bear from its cage, psuedo-kidnap a woman and fight her in your van, then steal some innocent guy's car and break his stuff? At what point during any of this do you think you're the good guy here?” [...] -
The thing was still down there, poking at me. I plunged my arm into the water after it, trying to mash it in my fingers. If I was gonna be dragged down to the depths by some Kraken then I planned on taking it to hell with me. [...] -
For what it's worth, I still felt relatively confident about our chances of survival. Then I took one peek over the edge and completely changed my mind. [...] -
Zootopia is a Disney movie about adorable talking animals living in harmony. It's also about crack cocaine and conspiracy theories. Seriously. [...] -
Well, none of this has gone according to plan. Stealing animals out of zoos used to be so much easier back in the day, you know? Now it's all, "stop!" this and "let the manatee go" that. [...] -
The higher-ups here don't seem too worried. They say this kind of stuff happens all the time, and that the longer he's on hiatus the less they have to pay him. [...] -
The sloth bear was 400 pounds of muscle encased in shaggy black fur and tipped with massive, razor sharp claws. And now it was free and hungry and running our way. [...]
Boone Ashworth
Brandon McLaughlin
Chris Derricks!
Gus Harrington
Kevin Harper
Kitty Fondue
The Double Thumb
The Double Thumb 